23 thoughts on “SCHOOL

  1. During a history lesson, a teacher asked a little boy in her third grade class, “What was Abraham Lincoln most famous for?” “Oh, that’s easy,” said the boy, “for chopping down his father’s cherry tree.” But the snickering and giggling that filled the classroom told him immediately that he had gotten the presidents mixed up.
    So, when the teacher then asked him, “What did “Abraham” say, when his father asked him to tell the truth?” the little boy quickly responded with, “He said “Father, I cannot tell a lie! George Washington did it!””

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  2. Teacher: “Can anyone tell me how old the earth is?”
    Student: “Oh I know this one! The earth is four billion, five hundred million, and three years old!”
    Teacher: “How in the world did you possibly come up with that figure?”
    Student: “I’ve taken this class three times now, and the first time I took it, the earth was four billion, five hundred million years old!”

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  3. English teacher: “In the English language, two negative words still mean a negative.
    For example: ‘There aren’t no potatoes” (although grammatically incorrect) still indicates a negative; i.e.; no potatoes.
    In some languages, two negative words indicate a positive, however there is no language in which two positive words indicate a negative.”
    Voice from the back of the classroom: “Yeah, right!”

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  4. John grew up in the Appalachian mountains and had very little education, until he met, and fell in love with a brilliant woman with several college degrees. Although they loved each other dearly, she took to habitually correcting his down-to-earth vernacular, insisting, instead, that he use terms that sounded more ‘sophisticated.’
    One day, an old friend from the hills came to visit, and when John introduced him to his wife as “Billy,” she corrected her husband by insisting, “It’s actually “William,” isn’t it?”
    John said, “I’m not lying, Billie – William – It sure is good to see you!” To which his wife interjected, “Don’t say, “lying;” say “prevaricating.” “Well, come sit by the fire, and we can swap a few tales!” said John. “They’re not “tales,” John; they’re “anecdotes”” his wife corrected again. Finally, as it got late, and his guest had to leave, John said to his wife, “I’ll just put out the fire and come to bed.” “It would sound so much nicer if you would say, “extinguish” the fire, John!” his wife scolded.
    After they had been asleep for a while, John’s wife was awakened by a noise, and discovered that John was just returning to bed. “What’s wrong?” she asked. “Oh it’s nothing,” said John. “It was just a William goat that came in to prevaricate by the fire. So I grabbed him by the anecdote, and extinguished him!”

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