LAWYER Advertisements Share this:TwitterFacebookGoogleLike this:Like Loading... 7 thoughts on “LAWYER” What do you need when you have a thousand lawyers up to their necks in concrete? More concrete! LikeLiked by 1 person Reply The cowboy was trying to buy a health insurance policy. The insurance agent was going down the list of standard questions. “Ever have an accident?” “Nope, nary a one.” “None? You’ve never had any accidents?” “Nope. Ain’t never had one. Never.” “Well, you said on this form you were bit by a snake once. Wouldn’t you consider that an accident?” “Heck, no. That dang varmint bit me on purpose.” LikeLike Reply “Honesty is the best policy” (but insanity is a better defense). LikeLike Reply Lawyer: “Doctor, how many of your autopsies have you performed on dead people?” Doctor: “All of them. The live ones put up too much of a fight.” LikeLike Reply Lawyer: “Now sir, I’m sure that you are an honest and intelligent man…” Witness: “Thank you, and if I weren’t under oath, I’d return the compliment.” LikeLike Reply Lawyer: “Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?” Witness: “No.” Lawyer: “Did you check for blood pressure?” Witness: “No.” Lawyer: “Did you check for breathing?” Witness: “No.” Lawyer: “Then is it possible that the patient was still alive when you performed the autopsy?” Witness: “No.” Lawyer: “How can you be so sure?” Witness: “Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.” Lawyer: “I see, But could the patient have been alive, nevertheless?” Witness: “Yes, I suppose it’s possible that he could have been alive and practicing law.” LikeLike Reply Lawyer: “Does your car have an automatic transmission?” Witness: “No. It has a manual transmission.” Lawyer: “What gear were you in at the time of the collision?” Witness: “Gucci sweats and Reeboks.” LikeLike Reply Leave a Reply Cancel reply Enter your comment here... Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Email (required) (Address never made public) Name (required) Website You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. ( Log Out / Change ) You are commenting using your Google+ account. ( Log Out / Change ) You are commenting using your Twitter account. ( Log Out / Change ) You are commenting using your Facebook account. ( Log Out / Change ) Cancel Connecting to %s Notify me of new comments via email.