A clerk in a gardening store smiled at his next customer, and asked “May I help you?”
“Yes,” replied the customer. “I’d like to buy three dozen strawberry plants, a long-handled spade, a hoe, and a revolving sprinkler.”
The clerk said “Very well, sir.” Then, after locating all of the items, he stepped over to a stack of 50 pound bags of steer manure, piled on a utility cart. As he lifted a bag over his shoulder, he said, “And I’m sure you’ll be needing some of this as well,” as he plopped the bag down on the counter with the rest of the merchandise.
“What’s that for?” asked the customer.
“To spread on top of the strawberries,” said the clerk.
”Gee!” exclaimed the customer. “Back home, we always put sugar and cream on ours!”
The Joke Pile 
A man got hit hard with a can of 7up.
He is alright, though. It was a soft drink.
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And now, there’s a new kind of sausage, made with meat on one end and corn meal on the other; for people who are having trouble making both ends meat!
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Have you heard the rumor going around about butter?
Never mind, I shouldn’t spread it.
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“When pouring ketchup from a bottle,
None will come out, and then a lot’ll.”
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If April showers bring May flowers; what do May flowers bring?
Pilgrims!
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Diner: “My wife’s got me on a diet, so I’ll just have a salad.”
Waitress:”Very well sir, and what would you like on your salad?”
Diner: “PIE!”
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I’m gonna order a pizza 5 minutes before New Year, and when they arrive, I’ll say, “I ordered this a year ago!”
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What’s the best way to Roast a turkey?
Roast a chicken at the same time, and when the chicken is burnt to a crisp, the turkey will be just right!
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Definition of a “stage two vegetarian:” That’s where you feed vegetables to a cow – and then eat the cow!
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“Pi R squared” is incorrect.
Pi R round; cornbread R squared.
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I like to refer to my latest attempt at dieting as the “Seafood Diet.” I see food – and I eat it!
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McDonald’s has now sold about 300 billion hamburgers – that’s almost 50 pounds of meat!
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What popular snack food is strictly forbidden while taking college entrance exams?
Cheetos!
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A clerk in a gardening store smiled at his next customer, and asked “May I help you?”
“Yes,” replied the customer. “I’d like to buy three dozen strawberry plants, a long-handled spade, a hoe, and a revolving sprinkler.”
The clerk said “Very well, sir.” Then, after locating all of the items, he stepped over to a stack of 50 pound bags of steer manure, piled on a utility cart. As he lifted a bag over his shoulder, he said, “And I’m sure you’ll be needing some of this as well,” as he plopped the bag down on the counter with the rest of the merchandise.
“What’s that for?” asked the customer.
“To spread on top of the strawberries,” said the clerk.
”Gee!” exclaimed the customer. “Back home, we always put sugar and cream on ours!”
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Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall.
Humpty Dumpty had a great fall.
All the king’s horses and all the king’s men….
Had scrambled eggs for breakfast!
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Teacher: Name the four basic food groups.
Student: Take-out, instant, frozen, and canned.
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I prefer my pizza cut into four slices, rather than eight slices, because I can’t eat more than four slices of pizza.
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What do you call guacamole that’s made with swiss cheese?
Holy Moly!
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Diner: “Waiter, why do you have your thumb on my steak?”
Waiter: “So it doesn’t fall on the floor again!”
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