20 thoughts on “ANIMAL

  1. What do you get when you cross a mink with a kangaroo?
    A fur coat with pockets.

    What do you get when you cross a turkey with a centipede?
    I don’t know, but at Thanksgiving, everybody can have a drumstick.

    What do you get when you cross a crocodile with an abalone?
    A crocabalony.

    What do you get when you cross a carrier pigeon with a woodpecker?
    A bird that delivers a message and knocks on the door.

    What do you get when you cross a parrot with a grizzly bear?
    I don’t know; but when he talks, you listen!

    Liked by 1 person

  2. A guy who was raising hogs would feed them until they couldn’t eat another bite, every day for about three weeks. Then he would nearly starve them to death for the next three weeks, and then start overfeeding them again. He did this over and over, and said, come butcher time, he figured this on & off feeding method would leave nice even stripes in the bacon.

    Liked by 2 people

  3. A guy who claimed to have a talking dog was auditioning the dog for a talent agent. “What’s on the outside of a tree?” asked the man. “Bark!” said the dog. “What’s the texture of sandpaper?” asked the man. “Rough!” said the dog. “Aw, this is ridiculous!” cried the angry agent. “Wait! He really can talk!” said the man. “Please give him one more chance!” The agent finally agreed, but when the man said, “Who is the greatest baseball player in the world?” and the dog answered, “Ruth!” the agent raised his fist and began to chase the pair out of the building. As the man carried the dog on the run, he looked at him in disgust, and muttered, “Stupid dog!” To which the dog replied, “Well I certainly wasn’t going to say DiMaggio!”

    Liked by 1 person

  4. A man goes into a pet shop and sees a beautiful parrot with a red string tied to its left leg and a green string tied to its right leg.
    “What are those strings for?” he asks the store owner.
    “This is a highly trained creature,” the owner explains. “If you pull the red string, he speaks Spanish and if you pull the green string he speaks French.”
    “What happens if you pull both strings at the same time?” the man asks.
    “I fall off my perch, you idiot!” squawks the parrot.

    Liked by 1 person

  5. A street performer, who did an act with a trained monkey, died, and left the monkey to his nephew in his will. But in a short time, the nephew realized that he couldn’t care for the monkey properly. So, one day, after making arrangements at the local zoo, he asked his retired neighbor if he would take the monkey to the zoo on the following day while the nephew was at work. The neighbor gladly agreed, but the man came home the next day to find him sitting on his own front porch with the monkey in his lap. “I thought you were going to take him to the zoo!” said the man, to which the neighbor replied with a big smile, “I did! And we had so much fun, tomorrow we’re going to Disneyland!”

    Liked by 1 person

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